I have begun to realize that becoming a mommy has brought me to a new place of identity or lack thereof. To define myself outside of the perimeters of wife, mom, teacher, sister, daughter becomes increasingly more difficult the more titles you add. And for some reason the mommy title has caused a doozy on my identity. At daycare pick up I am Micah's mommy, when visiting the house of friends and family the same people who reached out for me now reach out for him and thank me for bringing him. Now don't get me wrong I LOVE this new season of my life. A season filled with baby parties and being known as Micah's mommy however I was jolted recently by the thought that I do not know who I am with out these titles... which means I do not know who I am.
I must admit that for the past month I went through some very interesting (and not productive) processes in attempt to find out more about me. But the only thing that has helped me to uncover myself is to sit in silence and refuse to be afraid of me. Sit in silence with my thoughts, my visions, the intricate path in which my mind moves. I found that as I started this process I was a little nervous about what I would find, however I am not quite intrigued. I realize that I was created with mind different than anyone else, with passions unique to my design, with strengths and weaknesses all my own.
I would like to encourage all mommy's, actually all women, to lay down your superhero cape and sit in silence with yourself and rediscover the beauty of YOU!
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Getting rid of mommy guilt
As a working mom one of the first things you hear about in articles or blogs written for Working Moms is how to get rid of mommy guilt. They often talk about being ok with the fact that you have to go away from your baby for extensive amounts of time during the day, or being ok with the fact that someone besides you is watching your baby for large portions of the day. I must admit that having an amazing daycare provider that constantly communicates with me has helped with the portion of mommy guilt... But there is another type of mommy guilt that I did not read about but I experienced.
I felt guilty that I could not be the type of worker that I was before. I felt guilty that I could not be at every meeting. I felt guilty everytime I had to leave early. I felt like I didn't deserve my job. I felt like I wasn't the right person for my position because I could not give everything I was able to give before. Thankfully I have an amazing administration and I can honestly say that these guilty feelings were self imposed. But I went threw this until... well I still go through this a bit but I have learned a few things that have helped me.
1. Never over apologize- Every time I had to leave early to pick up my son or if he wasn't feeling well I found myself saying "i am so so so sorry", "I am sorry for the inconvenience this has placed on you". The apologies would go on and on and the longer the apology the more guilty I felt afterward. I have learned that there is nothing to be sorry for. Having to leave to take care of your little one is OK and it is nothing to be sorry about.
2. Don't make promises you can't keep- This phrase "I promise it wont happen again" would slip out of my mouth like word vomit every time I would have to do something for my little man. But guess what... yup you guessed it, It happened again ineveitably and I would lay on the guilt feeling like I was a liar. I realized that I can't make promises like that because things will always come up that require me to take care of my family and that is the beauty of being a mommy (your always needed and you can never loose the mommy job).
3. Say your priorities and be comfortable with them- My priorities are: God, Husband, Children, and then job. I had to realize that this is the HEALTHY order and it is OK that once my child was born my job had to move down a spot on the priorities list.
4. Envision the end of your life- At the end of my life to I want my bedside filled with colleagues that were impressed with the work I did, or do I want my bedside filled with family and friends that were thankful for the love I showed toward them. I would choose the later and I am OK with that.
Working Mommy guilt creeps up sometimes but then I realize that my life has changed since giving birth to my little man, sometimes I have to make a conscious decision between my son and my career and I have become comfortable choosing my son... Every time! I can get another job (though I wouldn't want to because my job rocks) but I can never get another Micah Caleb Young!
I felt guilty that I could not be the type of worker that I was before. I felt guilty that I could not be at every meeting. I felt guilty everytime I had to leave early. I felt like I didn't deserve my job. I felt like I wasn't the right person for my position because I could not give everything I was able to give before. Thankfully I have an amazing administration and I can honestly say that these guilty feelings were self imposed. But I went threw this until... well I still go through this a bit but I have learned a few things that have helped me.
1. Never over apologize- Every time I had to leave early to pick up my son or if he wasn't feeling well I found myself saying "i am so so so sorry", "I am sorry for the inconvenience this has placed on you". The apologies would go on and on and the longer the apology the more guilty I felt afterward. I have learned that there is nothing to be sorry for. Having to leave to take care of your little one is OK and it is nothing to be sorry about.
2. Don't make promises you can't keep- This phrase "I promise it wont happen again" would slip out of my mouth like word vomit every time I would have to do something for my little man. But guess what... yup you guessed it, It happened again ineveitably and I would lay on the guilt feeling like I was a liar. I realized that I can't make promises like that because things will always come up that require me to take care of my family and that is the beauty of being a mommy (your always needed and you can never loose the mommy job).
3. Say your priorities and be comfortable with them- My priorities are: God, Husband, Children, and then job. I had to realize that this is the HEALTHY order and it is OK that once my child was born my job had to move down a spot on the priorities list.
4. Envision the end of your life- At the end of my life to I want my bedside filled with colleagues that were impressed with the work I did, or do I want my bedside filled with family and friends that were thankful for the love I showed toward them. I would choose the later and I am OK with that.
Working Mommy guilt creeps up sometimes but then I realize that my life has changed since giving birth to my little man, sometimes I have to make a conscious decision between my son and my career and I have become comfortable choosing my son... Every time! I can get another job (though I wouldn't want to because my job rocks) but I can never get another Micah Caleb Young!
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